Dreams & Cliff jumping

After months of planning and years of preparation, here I am about to launch the TV show I’ve been dreaming of…and I’m not sure I want to do it anymore!

It’s not the myriad of things that have to be done. I can do that. I think it’s the fear of disappointment. It is so much easier to dream big dreams, come up with ideas, make plans. Now that the dream will soon be reality, I’m afraid that the reality might not live up to the dream!

It would be so much easier to put it off or even forget about doing the show. I could say to myself “well at least I tried” and be content with enjoying my wonderful, simple life.

Maybe I’m just scared. In fact this feels like “cliff jumping”.

Cliff jumping is something my children like to do when we go to Lake Powell. I watch them climb high up the rocks, then jump joyously into the water below. I have even climbed and stood at the top of the cliff, but I have never jumped. It’s too scary. I tell myself that I’m enjoying myself just fine by watching them jump. I don’t need to do it. It’s great just being there, enjoying the family and the scenery and floating in the water. And that’s all true, but I have wondered if it would be worth it to take the leap.

So that brings me back to the TV show. I have made the climb and it's almost time to leap. I think I'll borrow some of my children's courage.

Writing a cookbook

My children laughed uproariously when I announced I was writing a cookbook. You see, they and my patient husband, know full well how seldom I follow recipes. It's not that I don't like recipes, on the contrary, I love recipes! I'm always cutting them out of magazines and putting them in files. But it's the possibilities I love, the adventure of creating something new.

The other night, for example, I had some left over rotisserie chicken and wanted to make some chicken salad. I looked at various recipes in my many cookbooks, noted the similarities and the differences. Then taking all these into consideration and based on the ingredients I had on hand and personal taste (less curry, more onions and raisins) I came up with my own and delicious chicken salad. This is also how I do life. I love to learn from others, then do it my way!

Thoughts on Harry Potter

Harry Potter and The Deathly Hollows. Not only a great read, but a few nuggets of wisdom to boot. Here is my favorite, found on page 671. It is a description of James, Harry’s father, when he and Snape first meet as young boys:

“…slight, black haired like Snape, but with that indefinable air of having been well-cared-for, even adored, that Snape so conspicuously lacked.”
It hit me that this is one of the great gifts we hopefully give our children. That indefinable air of confidence that comes from being loved and nurtured.
Later that afternoon my son, Jason, confirmed my theory. I was giving him and a friend a ride to a game and we were discussing something challenging he wanted to do. I automatically responded, “Oh you’ll be fine, you have a great mind”. He chuckled and said to his friend, “That’s why I’m so cocky, she’s always saying stuff like that”. I don’t think anyone would describe Jason as cocky, he is a sensitive, generous, friendly kid. But he is confident. He has that “indefinable air of having been well-cared-for, even adored”. I’m glad I can give him that.

This Rachel Drives a sports car

Recently, my husband picked me up from the airport driving this car.

There's a story behind this car. Every day we drive past this Mitsubishi dealership. I had often commented on the cute Eclipse sports cars, but never actually for once thought that I would buy this for myself. I still have kids to drive around!

But my husband knew better. I was out of town when my old car’s engine started heating up, so he took it in to the dealership. It was going to cost several thousand dollars to repair it, so we decided to just trade it in for a newer car. He told me on the phone about this great silver Eclipse, “6 speeds, lots of power”.

I complained – “who cares about speed and power, I drive children around, within the speed limit, I need a sensible car” – but I really did want it, my husband knew I wanted it, my kids knew I wanted it. And they all knew I was Rachel – only I was still thinking I was Leah. (See Whitney Johnson's wonderful post, Rachel vs. Leah: Reclaiming our power to dream) http://daretodream.typepad.com/weblog/2006/10/rachel_vs_leah_.html

The first 3 days I was embarrassed to drive my flashy little car. Then my teenage son
reminded me, “Mom, not allowing yourself to enjoy a gift is being ungrateful”. That’s
when I remembered I was a Rachel, and began to enjoy driving me new car.

How is it possible that I'd never even test-driven the car?
What dreams have we not taken for a spin?
Are we surrounding ourselves with people that see our Rachel?

BTW, power and speed do mean something. It’s a lot more fun getting to the speed
limit, when you can do it really fast!